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aloneness

Image result for snow at night street light

Lake Michigan was frozen tonight. I saw a pool of light in the snow under a lamppost, and flashed back to grad student life in Bloomington, Indiana. Trudging to the library in wintry nights. I used to feel like I was so alone in the world that if I vanished, no one would notice.

I lived alone – London; Bloomington IN; Charleston IL; Arlington, VA. I checked in with no one when returning on foot late at night.

And the worst part was the utter aloneness. As a child, I used to relish, solitude. But as an adult in the US, I learned to fear being alone.

It was no longer a creative, refreshing solitude, but a crushing, destructive, total unitization of humans into disconnection.

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