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Torpor

follow-your-dreams
Via Eleanor Goldfield, https://www.occupy.com/article/art-killing-apathy-why-we-need-art-political-movements#sthash.C45lL7wq.dpbs

At times when I practice introspection, I feel as if my experiences in health, academic employment, and America have me frozen in place. Beached like a whale. It’s like I have something permanently stuck in my throat. I keep thinking I need to rise above the torpor; change my direction; jump upstream; let it go, jump on a boat, run away, go on vacation, find my head space … something.

But the day to day mundane keeps me on the hamster wheel of inertia, generating everyday inaction. Maybe all this everyday continuity will shake something loose. Then I look around, and realize this is a pervasive reality.

Is it like this for you?

A cousin once stopped praying namaz because, as she said, she wasn’t feeling anything. Her brother told her: “Just get marked present in class. Sometimes that’s all you can do.” And then, when the presence returns, you’ll at least be there. Lazzat or enjoyment, as my Sufi order members tell me, is not the goal. Allah is the goal.

So I keep showing up, right on time, for all my duties. But most activities blend into each other without differentiation. Grey. Most are 3 stars out of 5. It could be worse.

Some people throw up their hands, jump, try to find themselves. I’m not sure what there is to be found.

Maybe just showing up is enough.

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