the inhumanity of terrorism, the humanity of grieving

Istanbul. Kabul. Lafole in Somalia. On and on and on.

We grieve, and grieve, and grieve, and grieve, and grieve. The merchants of death seek more, and more, and more, and more. It’s never enough. They will never be sated, and we will never stop grieving. Our hearts are never hardened. Because this is not the way of humanity. We reject this violence, and call with our bursting hearts for an end to the cycle of trading in terror and death. In frustration, anger, and sorrow, we call for a return of the everyday mundane. Because people who are struggling to live difficult lives everywhere in the world must not face violent deaths and destruction wherever they turn. This is not normal. We must never stop being horrified. Never stop grieving.

We’ll do more, in fact. We will grieve, and we will join hands. You cannot break us. 13507065_10154360363993793_1842495926583733939_n


Istanbul Attack

Who are you that has no compassion for innocents?
No hesitation in spilling blood?
No piety in Ramadan?
No fear of God?
No mercy in your heart?
No hope for tomorrow?
No thought for the bodies, the hearts, the terror?
No compassion for the mothers, the fathers, the children left behind?
I don’t recognize you. I don’t know you.
There is no faith here. There is no heart here. There is nothing here.
It is mere nothingness. A mere blank.



diaspora, immigrant, imperialism, Uncategorized

Immigrant hopes for our homelands


My friend Sarah shared this reflection from Cairo, and my heart split open, recognizing the same sentiment I experience whenever I go back for a visit to Pakistan. I feel Sarah’s words in relation to my Pakistan, and it breaks my heart. So much potential. So much love, camaraderie, joy, art, beauty, energy, reflection, faith, and passion. Let us continue to hope that these beautiful countries meet their potential.

As an immigrant with a perpetually broken heart, I pray that we are not forced to leave our homes, our roots, our families, our memories, and all that keeps us grounded, in search of a decent life.

And, in the process, may we not then become the objects of hate.

Many thanks and warm embraces to those who welcome immigrants and refugees. But I desperately want to see a worldwide movement that addresses global inequalities. I want to see serious work that addresses the complex internal and external problems that plague politically unstable societies. I want to see reparations for colonialism and an end to exploitative international trade and political games. I want to stop seeing major powers perpetually meddle in the affairs of these societies and leave them worse than before. I want our homes back. So our children can be safe there as you want to keep your children safe here.


Angelina Jolie and Muslim women speakers at Islamic Centers

13482977_10154159754361855_5152652808110210689_oCongratulations on centering refugees, ADAMS community on World Refugee Day.
It’s nice to see that Angelina Jolie can sit up front on the stage and speak to a mixed audience at the Islamic Center. Now inshaallah Muslim women can do the same. Perhaps more women- and not just the usual long-standing ‘representatives’ – can speak and be engaged at higher levels at large masajid like ADAMS.
Congratulations, Angelina, on doing what many of us Muslim women haven’t been able to do. Despite many years of community work and religious service, most of us cannot speak to mixed audiences at our local Islamic Centers. Last time I tried to get my rather progressive mosque to feature women scholars discussing their research, we couldn’t get more than a single person on the Board to agree. I bet they’d love to host Angelina, though.
Angelina, it’s great you got the brothers to take pictures of you and applaud as you did so, when many of those pious brothers are too pious to countenance Muslim women in full modest attire speaking to mixed audiences.
My daughter is always asking why we always have to sit and listen to the guys. Now I can tell her it’s going to be okay.
I guess we should invite Angelina Jolie to visit all our local Islamic Centers. All the resistance will melt away.
Update: Some folks have been upset because there were Muslim women in the audience and perhaps one on the stage, listening to Angelina. I really don’t feel the need to respond to that. People have also said that in ADAMS, women are more visible than they are in other mosques: I’m aware of this. I’ve lived in Northern Virginia and am very familiar with the ADAMS community. I don’t pick on ADAMS because it’s worse than most. It’s not. It’s better than most. This is in fact the most distressing thing to women – that this “better” is so sadly inadequate. The same women “represent” 50% of the community for years on end, and women’s voices are still never equal to those of men. Don’t give me particular cases of women who happen to serve on the board in mid-tier or labor positions. Men are still, mostly or always (depending on the space), the voices, the leadership, the religious leaders in these spaces. This remains the case nationwide in most mosques. It is what will drive away our daughters (and many of our sons). Those who want to comfort themselves with the number of women who show up as followers, listeners, and attendees may do so. Angelina Jolie still gets more respect in a mosque from men than most women who have spent years in the service of the community.
feminism, gender, Uncategorized, women

Commentary: The White House Summit on Women

This post is a series of reflections on the White House Summit on the State of Women, or #USOW. The aim is to critically reflect on many such celebrity-centric high-profile events that claim to be issue-centric, but really end up being more about groupthink and partisan-politics-centric. In the process, such events harm the issue by using up crowd energies but really achieving nothing at all except a series of selfies with celebrities. So agendas are damaged by being contaminated by personal agendas and partisan political agendas, as well as the taint of liberal feminist “happy talk.” I am writing this post because I believe that feminist politics are serious business that affect the everyday lives and deaths of vulnerable populations, and feminist politics do not deserve to be co-opted and deployed for partisan politics showcases. I appreciate that as a participant, my own career would be better served by rave reviews (I went there and it was awesome). But no, thanks.

Last week, at the White House summit on women in Washington DC, celebrities rather StateOfWomen-1200x613descriptionthan issues were the glue that kept the program together. The event calendar was completely packed, as if by committee. The schedule kept going over. They held on to Michelle Obama till the end, otherwise some of us were ready to give up and leave. I’m mad that my phone was dead from too many selfies and tweets, and by the time Michelle arrived, I couldn’t get a ridiculous me-with-FLOTUS-on-big-screen selfie.

Inspiring but insipid slogans that point to real change. A program that deploys them for a feelgood party and fritters away the energies to preserve the status quo.

By 7pm, my companions and I were utterly exhausted with just listening to speakers. At a couple of points in the day, we were sent back & forth to “solution seminars”. The one I attended sure didn’t feature any solutions worth mentioning. For instance, the session I optimistically chose – “Revolutionizing Gender Norms” – featured Amy Poehler and Valerie Biden. The panel also included a representative from Mattel (with a beguiling foreign accent, so she sounded very smaht) who described how influential Barbie (Bah-bee) was for young girls, and how much thought Mattel is putting into this influence. I waited for the punchline: she concluded her presentation with showing how Mattel is working to change things – a commercial that showed young girls leading and ordering adults around and acting like adults, and then playing with their Barbies. In other words, feminism co-opted for cash. Like, are we that stupid?

All day I waited in vain for some chance to contribute our ideas rather than sit and listen to people repeat how great Obama has been for women. 

The program was designed last minute (but Michelle is organizing it! So, come!) and was really hard to decipher. When is lunch? When is this speaker? That event? And what happens since we’re running so behind? When does Michelle show?

A long star-studded day – president Obama, Michelle Obama, Joe Biden, Oprah, Nancy Pelosi, Loretta Lynch, Kerry Washington, Mariska Hargitay, Amy Poehler, Warren Buffett, and many other luminaries addressed the 5000 women gathered at the summit today. (The most engaging speaker by far was Michelle Obama. I have to say I’d be very surprised if she were to forego a political career in the near future. So watch for that).

Oprah & Michelle chat about women, men, and Michelle’s life.

The main goals of the event weren’t really to highlight the real issues that affect women but to highlight a) the Obama administration b) nonprofits, products, and programs related to women and girls produced by Poehler, Hargitay, Goldman-Sachs, etc. And also to drum up support for a loosely feminist-framed Hillary administration.

Overall I’d describe the event as a women’s Democratic Convention where the achievements of the Obama administration were repeatedly highlighted. Nancy Pelosi concluded her comments with “Let us all thank President Obama for….” which sounded remarkably like a prayer, and gave me the heebie-jeebies.

No opportunity to mention the future “Madam President” was lost – including by Obama.

Mariska Hargitay (whom I love) highlighted her Joyful Hearts Foundation, Amy Poehler reminded us of the Amy Poehler Smart Girls program, Goldman-Sachs brought in a line of successful businesswomen who benefited from their 10,000 Women financing programs, and so on. We admired the wildly successful business women who got Goldman Sachs cash, and sat thinking, like Tributes in the Hunger games, we could make it too. If we only tried hard enough and bought into Goldman-Sachs.

No opportunities presented themselves, whether in the large sessions or the small ones (the ones I attended) to ask questions or raise problems or critiques. In my ‘Solutions Seminar’, we were told quickly before the session started, that due to lack of time, the Q&A section of the panel had been cut. So sit back and enjoy your celebrities.

Like everyone else, I took a me-with-Obama-on-big-screen selfie, but I assure you, he was in the room. I want him to know, I was thinking, Okay, you’re cool, and you do a great slow-jam-the-news, but no more drones and no more deportations, okay? … He wouldn’t be listening though. So I just got a selfie.

During his speech, Obama actually used the construction of “we” have to serve as examples against Them with their oppressive patriarchal structures and cultures. Excuse me while I hurl. In the Obama speech, I restrained myself with great difficulty when he made a resounding call for desperately needed social change, and I wanted to shout Yo! Mr. Hope! You had 8 years! And what’s with the drones and the deportations! Except I didn’t really want to be pursued by the Secret Service hotties just that evening.

The main take-away for me was the opportunity to network and chat with the activists and change-makers at my table, such as Dilshad Ali of Patheos, Hind Makki of Side Entrance, Aisha Rahman of Karamah, and many others. But we were instructed to remain at these tables for the duration of the day – which means we had no opportunity to network with anyone who wasn’t already in our networks. The only new person I met was a pediatrician from Evanston who was in the lone, snaking queue with us that morning.

I exaggerate. I had other take-aways too. The fact that most other women are far better at professional fashion than I am. Stunning, really, but also sadly dedicated to high heels in a long day of a women’s summit.

I also learned how to generate a photo-op for the powers-that-be, deploying diverse women change-makers nationwide without actually involving these women in any dialogue or change at all. If you or your friends were able to get a word in about how to effect real change, you’d be the exception. You’d be the backstage groupies.

In other words: how to co-opt feminist politics for a photo-op. Well-played, Washington, DC. Once again – well-played.  



“I’m Muslim” videos: the cool assimilated Muslim club

Recently many of us have watched a series of “humanizing Muslim Americans” videos like this one described in http://muftah.org/attempts-humanize-muslims-often-exact-o…/…

I want to create a video that features:

  • me in 1992 in a burqa saying “I only want Allah and I don’t listen to music and I love my life this way” (yes)
  • a lower middle class auntie who speaks very little English and who loves cooking for her in-laws
  • a bearded sweaty uncle taxi driver who never smiles for the camera and doesn’t consume popular culture.

Then I’m going to ask ARE WE WORTHY OF LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE TOO? Or do y’all only love Muslims you can go dancing or drinking with, that you can watch Christmas movies with?

These videos don’t just take a baby-steps approach to “love us, we’re Muslim.” They even create an exclusive club of uber-cool, culturally assimilated Muslims, the “good Muslims” of Mahmood Mamdani’s Good Muslim, Bad Muslim. That club shuts out far too many of us. What about the elderly father mentioned in the video – who probably is NOT uber cool and doesn’t love Christmas movies: is it okay to hate him, as the Sikh gas station guy was attacked recently, as our working class immigrants are often attacked and stigmatized with impunity?

I get it. I really do. Times are hard. But I don’t want to break into an exclusive club by joining another.

Let me add this very painful note:

Maybe, maybe, by a slow and grueling process, I *have* to some degree become these annoying persons featured in the video. I don’t wear hijab, I married a White man, I rarely speak Urdu in public, I don’t go around with my Qur’an in my hand reciting it joyfully, I can’t even freely pray namaz in public places, in fact – but these aren’t things I celebrate and flaunt. I hope they’re not things I use to make you love and accept me. I hope. Some of them are things I wonder if I would do if the cultural pressure to assimilate wasn’t so strong. I don’t know.

And let’s conclude with this response to the Buzzfeed video: Especially that very last line from the brother.


And life is altered

A physician in oncology at Northwestern Medicine asked me today: “Why did you get a bilateral mastectomy?” He seems puzzled, curious.

I’m a little startled. Why does he seem like there was an option? Was there an option? How to respond? All the information, encouragement, push, and fear from physicians when treated for breast cancer back in 2009 at Oklahoma University Medicine gave me one message: Get rid of them. Your chances of a recurrence are higher. I did. Should I have?

Today, just 5 years later, the physician chuckles and says, “Well, we wouldn’t have done that here.”

I’m glad we figured that out now. Now that I have no breasts.