The original turd

There are days when you think you’re going to relax. You’re going to breathe anxiety and pain away.

And then a host of new anxieties and heartache and alonenesses (yes, I’ve decided it’s a word) come and settle all over you like locusts. Until you don’t really know what to breathe away and what to rest off. Perhaps this is new cloud of locusts is a mercy. Now you have so much OTHER shit to wade through that the original turd is lost in the larger, smellier pile. So thank goodness for enormous piles of shit that bury you so effectively you can’t even breathe good enough to think of pain and mortality.

So …. What’s YOUR original turd and your heaping pile?

2 thoughts on “The original turd”

  1. I’m not sure I quite understand the question, but I’ll take a stab at it.

    The original: Making a controversial decision (in my current volunteer job) and worrying about what other people are going to think about it/me. And please understand, these are really insignificant, “first world problems” kind of decisions but I let them gobble up enormous amounts of my energy.

    The pile: Being reminded, from a former volunteer organization that I am no longer affiliated with, of the vast depth and array of failures, failed projects, poor decisions and non-existent legacy which I contributed to that organization. And this pile of failure stands unacknowledged because who wants to pay attention to that depressing pile of manure anyway? They tout their successes and I am conveniently forgotten.

    What I tell myself: Manure is good fertilizer for future flowers.
    In the meantime, yes I am stuck in it -but this too will change.

    1. NOT insignificant! These choices (if they are actual choices) define the quality of life in many ways and how we become ourselves in work lives.

      Knowing you, I simply sneer at that former volunteer org’s attempts to define your contributions. I do not believe it. Anyone who has met you even once has experienced the energy, intellectual vibrancy, and organization you bring to all your endeavors.

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