These days, we’re holidaying with friends in the DC area. It’s incredibly satisfying to know that every day, you’ll be seeing familiar faces, exchanging ideas, feelings, memories with them. You won’t be spending the day in your own personal orbit.
At times, though, you wonder where *you* are.
Socializing with kindred souls is spiritual, emotional, fulfilling. It’s hard to tug yourself away. Raihana, at 21 months, has the same struggle. She doesn’t want to go to bed. She screams at bedtime. At times I’m the same way. Sleep and weariness fills my limbs, but I don’t want to sleep.
When I consider going to bed, I am haunted by the days that mingle into each other, when all I do is work and study, care for the baby, take her to school, pick her up from school, and so on.
But after a few days of fevered socializing, in spite of myself, I find my heart stealing inwards into my rib cage, my mind tiptoeing around to find a cubbyhole. My eyes wander beyond my friend Maliha’s pretty bamboo blinds to the bare trees outdoors, the gray branches swaying gently in the wind, the clouds scurrying across the great blue. I’m trying to find myself again, trying to find my spiritual compass, my emotional home.
I am enjoying myself intensely, but I need to find a balance where I am connected to myself inwardly and connected to others outside. The way my life goes, though, it’s usually one or the other, but I’d like to be the tightrope artist that balances both sides of her body perfectly. I do feel that, now that my immediate social hunger has been somewhat satisfied, a few days into the vacation, I try to breathe Hu *while* I am surrounded by loved ones.